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Alex's Blog

  • Please Buy This (Comedy) Poetry (for Charity) Book Please

    It's a book of poems by comedians. I did one but it's not one of the best ones. It might be one of the worst ones. I don't know because I don't really know all that much about poetry but even that makes me think that mine is probably not going to be one of the best ones (and might very well be one of the worst ones).

    But it's a really good book and even though I don't know much about poetry there's loads of poems that I really like in it. And there are only a limited number of books left. Not many at all.

    So if you want to get someone a unique christmas present and help people because of the charity element, buy this book. It's called That Which Is Not Said and you can get it at this website www.lookatyou.info from a nice man called Simon.

    Thanks,
    Alex

  • Edinburgh 2006

    Im writing this Edinburgh blog from London partly because I've spent most of the festival here and partly because when I was in Scotland it seemed like a circular waste of time to be writing about what I was doing in Scotland. So this is my retrospective review of what I did a couple of weeks ago:

     

    A week of the festival had already passed when I drove hurriedly up the centre of the British Isles to Edinburgh, anxious to see what I was missing after having my appetite almost entirely devastated by the BBC whose reports of 'The Fringe' (even the way the aunt-like presenters say 'The Fringe' make it seem like something I'd never want to be involved in) are always cringingly full of jaunty shots of tall clowns, irrationally optimistic student musical stars and idiots.

     

    Everyone talks about the fringe being a bubble, but it wasn't till I was outside of the bubble that I could see what a small but bouncy bubble it really is. For while the outside world sees only these facile images of street-performers and recently ex-children, the performers inside are similarly unaware of what's actually going on in the world. When I arrived most people had no idea about the foiled terrorist threat that everyone else in the UK was sick of hearing about the day before. The only news people in the Pleasance courtyard were excited about was that someone had got five stars while someone else had got one.

     

    And within a Piemaker bacon and cheese rollover and a can of irn-bru I was happily esconced in this happier bubble.

     

    I saw fifteen shows in a week, more than I had seen in all my previous five visits as a performer combined. I enjoyed every one but also looked at my watch at some stage during every one. I rarely laughed. This is one of the problems with being a comedian. I hardly ever laugh at comedy any more. Except when it goes wrong. Or when I can spot something that the audience is not meant to spot. So most of the few laughs I did do occurred when nobody else was doing them.

     

    I saw more of my comedy friends than I ever usually do. And when I was with them I laughed a lot. I was relaxed, unusually comfortable in social situations and probably annoyingly smug about not being under the dark clouds of reviews, awards and inevitable financial ruin.

     

    These are some of the things I did that I wouldn't normally do at the festival: Woke up before 11am. Had a beer in the afternoon. Gawped at the Ron Mueck exhibition. Avoided reviews. Accepted Flyers. On my third day I took a friend to Lindisfarne - a holy island halfway between Edinburgh and Newcastle. We saw saw my first eider ducks and sandwich terns of the year. I'm doing a lot of birdwatching at the moment. I never normally leave the city during the festival.

     

    But it was all over far too quickly and though the leisurely drive back down the right hand side of the Isles was just as agreeable as on the way up (and included a trip to an ancient second-hand book shop in Alnwick whose computers were both the only ones in the town with internet access and the only ones I've ever seen whose screens were muddy), I couldn't rid this unrelenting feeling that I was leaving something behind unfinished. The party was just hotting up but I had to go home. Getting out of the bubble is not nearly as nice as getting in.

     

    Back in London I've spent the past few days living as if nothing is going on up there; occasionally glancing at the internet to check everyone's ok, flicking through the papers from time to time to see if anyone's got a particularly good or bad review, sporadically getting excited by the thought that the eddies are soon to be announced (no it doesn't even look right in print - perriers - it will always be perriers - it's like hoovers - you don't do the dysoning - you dont get nominated for an eddy).

     

    But I know I'm missing out. I had a lovely time as a punter at this year's festival. But I can't wait to have a much worse time as a performer next year.

  • I wrote an article for The Times about Internet Comedy and here it is

    The Times June 05, 2006

    Times2

    Laughter by the gigglebyte


    Comedy is colonising the internet, and comedian Alex Horne is staking his claim

    Last weekend my traditionally deadpan sidekick Tim Key and I drove 180 miles up the M1 via Newport Pagnell and Watford Gap to the Woolley Edge Service Station in Yorkshire (recent recipient of the 5 Star Loo of the Year Award), where I had a shower. We then headed home by way of Tibshelf, Trowell and a secret barbershop in Toddington (southbound). Why? We were making a short humorous film about Britains motorway service stations for the internet.

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    There is a lot of so-called comedy on the web. Weve all been sent amusing clips by technically savvy friends and colleagues, a fair few of which do actually amuse: I laughed as much as I ever do at a club when I first saw the hapless Belgian chat-show host suffer an uncontrollable bout of giggles when attempting to interview a man with an unfeasibly high voice (www.tencomments.com/extras-2minutes).

    But where do these office wits mine their internet comedy gold? There are no glossy computer equivalents of TV Quick or Radio Times featuring a minor celebritys Five Favourite Virals. There isnt even an onscreen guide that you can flick through for hours in a semi-focused attempt to find something good to watch. Instead you are faced with an infinite and nightmarish set of unintelligible signposts, each of which will probably lead to a rude, crude or, worst of all, unfunny place.

    Luckily a number of sites have now been created for people like me who enjoy procrastinating with a quick fix of something entertaining, interesting or just plain odd when I should be writing jokes. Set www.boreme.com, www.ebaumsworld.com or www.killsometime.com as your homepage and each day youll be distracted by at least a couple of fairly funny clips just long enough to make that deadline loom so large that you actually have to do some work.

    And when you do find a clip that really tickles you, its an hypnotic if slightly lonely experience. For despite the 30-second format, low-quality image and 3x4in frame, the intimacy of your PC has a power sometimes stronger than a TV sitcom or sketch show. For that brief period of time you can escape to somewhere absurd or unreal, flouting the fact that youre still trapped in your routine working environment.

    I particularly love the moments of raw, idiosyncratic talent captured by amateur film-makers from all over the world. They may not be laugh-out-loud funny, but when I see high-level beat-boxing, body-popping or banjo-playing, filmed by the artist himself and performed with utter conviction, I cant help but smile.

    You can also unearth clips of comics whom youd never otherwise get the chance to see. Type Mitch Hedburg, Andy Kaufman or Peter Cook into www.youtube.coms search engine and you will find rare footage of some true comedy heroes without having to spend any of your hard-earned honk.

    Unfortunately, most of the funniest clips (according to the democratic but flawed public rating system) are either grabs from obscure foreign programmes à la Tarrant on TV, or the hilarious mishaps, car crashes and people falling over celebrated for ever on Youve Been Framed. Yes, I was pleased to know Id be able to find a clip of Peter Crouchs robotic dancing within minutes of the end of the England v Hungary match, but that doesnt really count as comedy. Where are todays comedians?

    Well, were coming. Slowly. And as always, were following the Americans. The 2003 Perrier Award winner Demetri Martin is probably the best example of a comedian who has successfully harnessed the internet and now rides around on its back, getting to places quicker and being seen by more people. Having championed his MySpace site (www.myspace.com/demetrimartin) on TV, the brilliant Martins already large popularity started to swell exponentially. He wrote a song called I got 9000 friends in response, but this only increased the number of people knocking at his virtual door. At the time of writing he has 41,617 MySpace friends. Thats a guaranteed audience wherever he goes.

    The only problem for Demetri is that hes now famous enough for people to start impersonating him on MySpace: there are at least two Demetri Martin cyber tribute acts and this isnt unusual. There are five people on MySpace pretending to be Bill Oddie. Five people! Who all thought it would be a good use of their time to create a bona fide internet site under the guise of Bill Oddie and send messages to other people pretending to be the bearded birder! Amazing. But that just demonstrates how easy it is to set up your own webspace.

    MySpace itself has recently spotted this growth in comedys internet potential, creating its very own comedians wing and launching a $50,000 Comedy Competition that cleverly cross-promotes the FX Channel and its sitcom Its Always Funny in Philadelphia while attracting thousands of new televisual ideas free. I dont want to accuse the owners of anything sneaky or untoward, after all MySpace is now part of Rupert Murdochs great News Corporation empire, of which The Times is a part, but this does seem like a canny use of resources that British companies such as the BBC and Channel 4 could learn from.

    Over the past few months the British stand-up circuit has finally started to run with this MySpace baton. If you look up Robin Inces page, for example, youll discover at least 20 other comedians among the wry commentators friends. You can then play comedian tag and spend a happy afternoon discovering exactly what interests, movies and books each comedian likes. Some have written blogs. Some have included audio clips. Some have even added comic video shorts.

    And thats why Tim and I went all the way to Woolley Edge to film me having a disappointing shower. We had an idea, shot it, and thanks to MySpace well soon be broadcasting it to a potential audience of 82,341,981 and rising (although I currently have just 56 friends).

    Its very hard to convince television commissioners that a show about motorway service stations is a good thing. And now, in theory, we dont have to. If television is a stepping stone to bigger live audiences, why not cut out the frustratingly money-orientated middle-man and find that audience ourselves. If the Arctic Monkeys managed it and comedy is the new rocknroll, surely its a good idea to be ready when the internet-comedy time-bomb explodes? Well, maybe.

    The more entrepreneurial players are already using sites such as MySpace to promote this years Edinburgh Fringe in a way never really seen before. Instead of creating hype by spreading positive rumours about shows on comedy forums, sketch shows such as Grow Up and individuals such as Russell Kane are now posting links and clips from fully fledged websites where you can see excerpts from their acts at the touch of a button, enabling the performers to show off their wares and the public to try before they buy everyone's a winner.

    So could the web be the future home of comedy? Certainly not. Comedy clubs are the future home of comedy. But the net could well catch people and bring them into that home. And if Im out there making comedy clips instead of watching them, at least I feel as if Im working. Did I get that haircut in Toddington? Just how disappointing was the shower in Woolley Edge? Youll have to make your way to www.myspace.com/alhorne in a couple of weeks to find out.

    An avatar walks into a pub . . . where to find jokes on the web

    www.boreme.com one  of the easiest and best places to find funny clips www.youtube.com where you can upload your own hilarious packages www.chortle.com the definitive comedy industry website www.bbc.com/sport occasional host of amusing sporting films www.icebox.com  watch quality cartoons whenever you want www.luckykazoo.com the legendary Cillit Bang remix and a JCB ballet www.channel101.com comedy-on-demand: the future of TV?

  • Panini Stickers - Germany 2006

    Listen. I got a free album with the News of the World and you can't just throw that sort of thing away so I'm now embroiled in a sticker collection that just gets trickier and trickier. So if you need any of the following swaps, GET IN TOUCH:

    8, 18, 37, 47, 50, 63, 79, 92, 111, 120, 139, 141, 170, 181, 198, 201, 205, 225, 228, 229, 235, 236, 237, 259, 281, 286, 288, 290, 299, 311, 318, 326, 340, 345, 351, 356, 375, 377, 390, 394, 417, 419, 423, 424, 425, 433, 437, 443, 474, 496, 505, 521, 541, 542, 544, 556, 565, 566, 569, 574, 579, 582, 589, 595

    (this list will be updated regularly so keep checking!)

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