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  • cute animal overload - tasmanian style

    i've been meaning to post these for a while and finally finally i am.

    back when we were in tasmania, we got a fantastic offer to get a tour of the bonorong wildlife sanctuary.
    neil had been made a Patron of the BookEnd Trust in Tasmania (his blog about – with a cute video – is here). they're a group that strives to get kids interested in going into careers involving the environment...and they do it in all different ways. more at: bookendtrust.com.

    they figured it would be great to introduce us, up close and personal, to the animals of tasmania, so they called the bonorong folks, who were really nice, brought a case of beer, and showed us around their joint after they'd closed it to the public.

    they're not a huge operation....they're a teeny little building with a chunk of land and a handful of people who are so devoted to caring for the general wildlife of tasamania, and saving the lives of these animals, that they'll take phone calls at 3 am from people who have hit something in the road, pull themselves out of bed, drive a few hours and investigate. t
    hey're heroes.

    we got a full tour of all sorts of animals, too many to picture here, and my friend ron nordin, who's a great photographer, took all these incredible shots.
    i encourage you to check the place out if you live in or go to tasmania, it's a fantastic operation, and they work on donation only.

    these are the echidnas. they were referred to as the cohabitating gay echidnas, because they're both boys.
    and both named eric.
    their tongues were like 15-centimeter little worms that shot out of their mouths and lapped up food at lightening speed.
    by far the strangest animal i have ever fed:


    and soft to pet! like a sloth! i once got to pet a sloth in brazil. it was soft.

    bonorong is NOT a zoo - it's almost the opposite.

    animals are brought here for lots of reasons; because they're orphaned (often because humans have inadvertently killed their folks, with cars), wounded, or otherwise unable to survive in the wild.
    the sanctuary tries to release as many animals as they can BACK into the wild, if it's possible. sometimes it's not. sometimes people will see an echidna curl up into a ball, assume it's sick, and rush it to the sanctuary. the sanctuary people then slap their foreheads, since this is what echidnas DO (they're born ball-curlers, it's their defense mechanism) and once you've picked them up on the side of the road, you can't bring them back unless you take them to the EXACT spot you picked them up, since they need to return to their burrow, and most people haven't thought to mark the spot. so the echinda winds up homeless and helpless, and the bonorong folk become their foster folks.

    there was a FIELD of wayward kangaroos:



    this one and me, we were having a very deep talk about his traumatized childhood:


    i assured him things would be fine.
    he was like
    "easy for you to say,
    they give you beer."
    i was like

    "sorry...

    shhhh...

    i'll give you beer later maybe."


    these are the tawny frogmouths.
    they each had one blind eye, and appeared to be emotionally stuck together like conjoined twins - and in fact each one had the eye that the the other didn't have.
    they were beautiful and sad:



    and hungry:




    this was a kangaroo with a joey in tow.

    lady kangaroos have two sets of milk-producing mammary glands due to the extreme australian drought: they can actually stop a fetus in production and hold off til it seems like there's going to be rain (and therefore food). since she's got two joeys at differing ages both needing to breastfeed different milks, her body makes both. the world is amazing.




    love is also nice.

    this kangaroo just wants the beer in neil's pocket:




    this is the beautiful dianna graf, our hostess, and the reason i first came to tasmania:


    AND she's the source of the infamous "map of tasmania" comment that fateful day i wrote it.

    the amazing thing is that she ACTUALLY is like snow white in real life.

    for real.

    i keep running into people in australia who have been housed by her and her man, mark.
    everyone in the world apparently stays with dianna and mark in tasmania.
    and she feeds you milk and honey and seeds and flowers, and beer, while singing beautiful songs accompanied by an invisible flautist & string section.



    the wallaby and her joey:

    "i can haz beer?"


    we weren't supposed to talk to her much because she was "getting too attached to people."






    and this is a tasmanian devil:


    they are bizarre little creatures, and actually much friendlier than you'd expect.

    except when they eat and turn into blood-curdling savages:



    here's neil, feeding two of the devils a piece of wallaby roadkill:

    (i took this one)



    they're becoming endangered nowadays...
    due to many reasons, but according to our friends at bonorong, not just due to the well-publicized (around here, anyway) facial-tumor disease that's been plaguing them.
    human beings careening into them with cars has also had a nasty, nasty impact, no pun intended.

    they're scavengers and eat roadkill and are therefore OFTEN in the road, making them vulnerable to traffic.
    the sanctuary urges people in tasmania to use your car horn, LOUDLY, when approaching dark turns on country roads, and having the smarts and heart to get out of your car and actually remove roadkill off to the side of the road when you see it. they can then eat in peace, without the oncoming traffic likely to squash them.

    they also eat pants:



    PANTS!



    sleeping koala:



    they sleep something like 20 hours a day.
    the rest of the time, they're high on eucalyptus leaves.



    ron – the photographer of all these stunning shots) – with a long lost possum cousin of his.

    (i took this one)....




    FIGHT.


    FIGHT!!!!!







    wait.


    no.


    don't fight.


    love.



    AFP
  • put on your best raw meat, children, it's time to go to church

    sveta and siri live in a house that is 50 feet from sydney's main commuter train line. it's 8 am.

    i've been waking up lately feeling especially ... i don't know ... lucky? something.

    this morning i awoke to the sound of thundering trains and rip-roaring planes above all sounding like they were heralding the beginning of the world, accompanied by a shrieking chorus of bombastic australian birds...sounded like thousands of them, all collectively freaking out to be alive and together and when i look out my window i see a bright grey sky sliced and cracked with thin glowing white clouds that let the sun blast through lighting up this whole scene and raindrops are falling on my bed in a single circle from the skylight that sveta left open for me so that i could have a front row seat for this whole crazy show. i've never been happier in my whole fucking life.

    last night i went to a teeny burlesque bar and DJed glitta supernova's event. i found myself surrounded by a similar situation except the content was all human. 
    the event, called "pretty peepers", was help in the imperial hotel...the same joint where priscilla, queen of the desert, pulls off for her adventure.
    eric took a photo of me out front. kambriel made the dress. david reynoso designed the collar. supergaydoublerainbow effect by the iphone:



    twas a whole evening of queer cabaret and burlesque, challenging and crazed and brave and what-the-fuck performers doing shit on stage that people in rock world just don't do that much. i really got homesick last night, i told our friends on the way home, homesick for my life 10 years ago. i miss the days when the dresden dolls were first starting out and my nights were packed with freaks and small places and naked performance artists running around...where at any given event it was likely you'd see blood, costumes, vaginas, screaming, and maybe raw meat - and you'd experience a kind of humor that only happens in a cabaret stuffed with those devoted to praying at the church of the Bizarre. not lady-gaga-bizarre, not bizarre that you'll read about the next day in the news. this shit isn't for the news. ever. real bizarre - the kind of shit that takes true balls. burlesque with ache, larger than life, apocalyptic sexual bravery, crashing-train-and-plane level stuff.
    the audience was, in itself, a sight to behold, a tight community housing a super-hot queer dress-up family....trans girls, trans boys, proud-and-out girl prostitutes, the works. my people.

    somewhere things got bigger, not more boring per se, but less small and since they got less small it all got a little safe, a little easier, the performance art got quietly written out of my life and i became a musician who did antics, a chick singer with a bent towards the theatrical, and i wonder sometimes what i left behind, what's been going on at church. sometime i think people don't even know where i came from. sometimes i feel like a bad daughter, having left my fold for a bigger stage. sometimes. last night woke me up a little. i have a huge break coming up, and don't know what's coming next. last night peeled my eyes back. maybe it's time to get on my knees and pray for a while...find my old friends in the performance art church and see what kind of meat they've been rubbing on themselves lately...

    the lighting was awful for my iphone....but provided us this happy accident:
    bunny hoopstar looking like a reverse iPod advertisement:

    here are some of the other incredible performers, random shots i pulled from the web....just to give you taste of the flavor....

    justin shoulder:

    via realtimearts.net

    glitta supernova...
    in a piece called "super size me":

    via myspace.com/gurlesque_au

    glitta supernova, with showgurl purgatory:

    via myspace.com/gurlesque_au

    the amazing ari:

    via refreshlite.com

    rocca d'amore, one of australia's top drag kings...who also happens to be staying over at sveta and siri's house with us:

    via blogspot

    she cooked us all organic fettuccini with home-made sicilian tomato sauce last night.
    my fucking life. i love my fucking life.

    ginger snap:

    via myspace.com/gingersnapkisses


    me with ginger snap and some other very hot chicks:




    and also, this happened:




    here was my DJ playlist (out of order, sorry)....i got CHEERS for the "jesus christ superstar" and "labyrinth" selections:
    • "Straight Up, Tasmania"" - Amanda Fucking Palmer vs Paula Abdul ("Map of Tasmania" + "Straight Up" mash-up by Michael Potvin)
    • "Ana Ng" - They Might Be Giants
    • "No Regrets" - Aesop Rock
    • "La Femme Accident" - OMD
    • "Dear Prudence" - Siouxsie & the Banshees
    • "My Coco" - stellastarr*
    • "Boyfriend" - Best Coast
    • "Umbrella" - Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z)
    • "Magic Dance" (from "Labyrinth") - David Bowie
    • "I Want You, But I Don't Need You" - Momus
    • "Paper Planes" - M.I.A.
    • "What's The Buzz?" (from "Jesus Christ Superstar") - Tim Rice & Andrew Lloyd Webber
    • "Swamp Thing" - The Chameleons
    • "C'mon Billy" - PJ Harvey
    • "Shores of California" - The Dresden Dolls
    • "Sympathique" - Pink Martini42
    • "Dumb It Down" - Lupe Fiasco (feat. Gemstones & Graham Burris)
    • "The Guns of Brixton" - The Clash
    • "Do You Take It In The Ass" - The Wet Spots
    • "Reno Dakota" - The Magnetic Fields
    • "99 Luftballons" - Nena
    • "Lover I Don't Have To Love" - Bright Eyes
    • "When You Were Mine" - Cyndi Lauper
    • "Cars" - Gary Numan
    • "Tous Les Garçons Et Les Filles" - Françoise Hardy
    • "You Don't Own Me" - Klaus Nomi
    • "Red Right Hand" - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
    • "New Dress" - Depeche Mode
    • "My My Metrocard" - Le Tigre
    • "Bad Connection" - Yaz
    • "Ca plane pour moi" - Plastic Bertrand
    • "Da Da Da Ich Lieb Dich Nicht Du Liebst Mich Nicht Aha Aha Aha" - Trio

    clearly i have a future behind the turntables.
    massive, massive props to sean, who put together a ZIP folder of all this music for me while i've been running around on the road.
    mad love.


    and today, i'm doing meetings in sydney, then hopping on a flight to adelaide for the beginning of the end of tour...goddamn it's been a good one. if you're near any of these cities, COME.

    and if you're near PERTH, GERALDTON, or FREMANTLE: my comrade jason webley is on his way to rock your worlds. GO SEE HIM:
    • March 3 - Perth, AUSTRALIA
    with Luke Dux
    William Street Bird (181 William St)
    9 pm - $5 - 18+

    • March 4/5 - Geraldton, AUSTRALIA
    Lat 28 Pub (296 Chapman Rd)
    9 pm - 18+ (kids ok w/ a guardian) - FREE!

    • March 6 - Fremantle, AUSTRALIA
    X-Wray Cafe (3/13 Essex St)
    7 pm - All Ages!
    a little party on his last day in western australia (donations appreciated)!



    love
    AFP


    p.s. best christchurch earthquake picture ever:
  • "my private life is an inside joke and no one will explain it me"

    i went jogging this morning to the new bright eyes...



    god damn the man pens a clever fucking lyric. so sorry conor, i stole it for my blog subject. better than attacking you naked....i suppose i'm all grown up.

    onwards...



    on my way to the show at the melbourne forum, but time for some happy fucking news.

      first, happy news:
    emma, our heroine from lexington high school who - last we saw, got kicked off the school stage with her columbine school-shooting play - has not only found a STAGE for it, but it's one of the most prestigious stages in the city. i'll be damned. everybody, follow along, and i should be in town to see it unless something crazy happens. we're also talking about doing a public panel/discussion about censorship, possibly at same venue, stay tuned for info. click the image of the venue (below) to take read the boston.com article...





    the LA WEEKLY also did a great piece, which is mostly an email interview with me, about fan-sourced food. read it HERE.


    and in the twitpic "caption this" department....i posted this a few days ago (it's from the napier ninja gig on art deco weekend) and got some stunning results.



    the winner, @SuzDC:
    "NOBODY tries to touch Ms. Palmer's MAP OF TASMANIA, and nobody eats hot lead."
    and the runner up, @sermoiii:
    "ever since she got her sidekick, Amanda's busking income has quadrupled"

    FOLLOW THE TWITTER!

    xxx
    AFP.

    p.s. earthquake update: the NZ red cross collected at the Evelyn Evelyn at the Evelyn show last night, which was a great, crazy-wild sold-out success. the twins like it in australia. we'll be collecting money again at the show tonight. laura from christchurch & me have been emailing back and forth and she's safe with cousins in australia.
  • a taraxacum of hope in a sea of liquefaction

    hola comrades....



    finally landed here in melbourne last night after the 10 days in new zealand and it feels like a true homecoming....i slept 10 hours without stopping.
    i'm back with toby the jock dog & the rest of the animal kingdom, and the wonderful nicholls/coney adopt-a-family....clare made an amazing homecoming dinner last night, jack and lucy came over, and luke and i are plotting a ninja gig / official talk at melbourne university since he's the queer captain and can drag me in for show and tell; LOOK A REAL LIVE QUEER AMERICAN! (stay tuned for whens and wheres and hows, the saved date is march 8th. it's also on the cards that i might give a speech to the assembly at the prestigious MacGregor's girls' school. AFP loves the childrens..!)

    so

    now

    spontaneous ballet moves in the kitchen. i'm so happy to be around my melbourne family with some dogs and cats to pet and a bed i know to cuddle into.

    there was an honest-to-god cat backstage, by the way, at the show in auckland.

      the show was sublime....we made our flight just in time to arrive at doors and threw shit on stage and just made shit up. i threw confetti on everyone and jason & i dealt with a broken keyboard by pulling everyone onstage for a billy joel sing-along. it was...perfect.

    some photos (via flickr):




    and here's a great one from the crowd at the wellington ninja gig:


    and me & jason being freaky at the same ninja gig:



    anyway, back to the cat.
    eric and i decided it might be a good idea to put "cat to pet" on the tour rider, so that every venue has to provide one.

    then eric and i discussed the kinds of phone calls he would get from the venues a few weeks before the show...

    venue: "do you really need this cat on the rider, or is it just a joke? it looks like a joke."

    eric: "no, we have to have the cat. she won't go onstage without petting a cat, it's a weird superstition she has."

    venue: "um, ok. does the cat have to be backstage the whole time? my wife could bring our cat from home if she needs to pet it right before....she could just swing by in her car...."

    eric: "no, that's not really ok. the cat has to be backstage from the time we load in gear and start sound-checking. just bring the cat backstage and stash it somewhere along with the chips and salsa the other load-in food. don't forget some cat snacks and some cat toys".

    venue: "....."




    or...not.


    .......................

    following the blog comments from my last post has been ... jesus, no words. inspiring sounds way too corny. the fact that you guys are simply brave enough to step up and reach your arms out to each other and make things good and right is why i think i got into this job in the first place.
      if you weren't following the comments, a handful of people posted comments about their earthquake experiences including a girl named laura, who's 17 and lost both parents and her siblings. people were trying to really to bring her to the private melbourne BBQ i'm doing next week but she's - very wisely i think - opting to stay put and be with her community.

    i've been emailing with her and sending her love and all the comments on the blog that people left her have given her a source of love and comfort she may not have expected.
    so...thank you.
    and you guys in new zealand....thank you all for sharing your selves and your homes and your direct offers - this is the way to do it people and you're all so awesome and a wonderful meta-family. stay strong, and keep being as awesome as you are, you're a shining light to me and everyone else who's reading here and in awe of your generosity.



    the front page of the newspaper yesterday...


    and here are some photos that hera took (follow her on twitter at @herasings). lots of you have seen her open up for me on the last two tours, and jason was staying at her house with her & her husband when the quake hit.

    the funeral home next door. they hadn't known it was a funeral home until.....they saw the coffins:


    hera's garden/backyard with crazy liqufaction:


    hope:


    the street, not far from her house....


    the cupcake parlour:



    me, jason and eric passed a donation bucket at the auckland show and gathered over $1050 in bills and small change, which eric took the post office the next morning, converted into bills, and sent straight to the NZ red cross.

    if YOU want to help, you can send money to them, too:


    and by the way, in the disaster dept, i forgot to mention that we also gathered over $1000 at the BRISBANE show for a flood relief group helping local artists called The Actors' & Entertainers' Benevolent Fund. more info here here: abfqld.com.au

    the floods come, the earthquakes hit.
    thank you everyone in brisbane, for helping out your artists.
    thank you new zealand, for helping out your christchurch.
    and thank you to everyone who will donate tonight and tomorrow in melbourne, because i know you will, and generously.

    you guys are all just so awesome.

    and to rock bands and artists out there (esp those in new zealand right now), a word of advice:
    USE YOUR SHOWS & EVENTS TO PASS THE HAT and spread the money to where it needs to go.
    don't be afraid: it really works, as evidenced by these past few shows.
    having a lot of cool, generous people in one place and getting them all to donate a couple of dollars is an excellent way to help your local disaster.
    try it. you are the media.


    .........

    speaking of that, here's something awesome to watch.
    it seems like ancient historic footage at this point, since it was filmed over a week ago (gasp),
    but this is me and peter sunde, one of the founders of the swedish torrenting site The Pirate Bay, being interviewed on national new zealand TV in wellington (at WEBSTOCK) a few days before the quake hit. peter & i got on like a house on fire, and spent a lot of time hanging out at webstock. he's a definite ally, comrades, and i'm probably going to have my passport flagged and my name put on file at the house unamerican activities for stating that openly on the internet, seeing as he's banned from the country.

    but watch: it's a really well-done piece, cheers to the Media 7 people for taking a great, fresh approach to TV, and not being boring and dry.





    .....off to the EVELYN EVELYN AT THE EVELYN HOTEL gig in melbourne, wish the twins luck.
    tomorrow, our giant show at the melbourne forum...
    me, and jason, and kim boekbinder, and tom and jen from the jane austen argument, and st clare and the tin star and mikelangelo....phew...all the friends collide in one pile of Rock Love.

    i haven't looked forward to a gig so much in a long time.
    see you all there.

    and more soon. i know i'm backed up. too much shit keeps happening. i was just skyping with holly gaiman who was like "WEDDING BLOG, AMANDA". i know. i know.

    love,
    AFP.

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